It has been reported in the widely read and admired weekly edition of The Westmorland Gazette that the Lake District is considering seeking a World Status Ranking, thus putting it on a par with the Egyptian Pyramids and the Australian Barrier Reef.
This is an idea which I strongly support and firmly believe that this beautiful part of England is more than worthy of such an award. However, could we not set the ball rolling and invite World attention by declaring our own unique brand of a mini-series Olympic Games with emphasis on local tradition and pastimes?
In this day and age of doubt and suspicion, we would of course elect a committee of impeccable credentials to oversee total fairness in competition with rigorous controls implemented to detect any intake of performance enhancing substances. This category would include all produce of the Jennings Brewery, especially the very potent Sneck Lifter, plus Kendal Mint Cake, Sticky Toffee Pudding and the redoubtable Cumberland Sausage. The object of the urine samples is not a case of taking the p*ss out of the lads as suggested by members of the local pigeon fanciers and whippet racing league, but only a means of...
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