Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity. The experience of intimacy fills our souls and takes away our loneliness.
Why, then, would someone be afraid of intimacy?
It is not actually the intimacy itself that people fear. If people could be guaranteed that intimacy would continue to be a positive experience, they would have no fear of it. What they fear is the possibility of getting hurt as a result of being intimate with another.
Many people have two major fears that may cause them to avoid intimacy: the fear of rejection of losing the other person, and the fear of engulfment – of being invaded, of being controlled and losing oneself.
Because we have all learned to react to conflict with various controlling behaviors from anger and blame to compliance, withdrawal, and resistance – every relationship presents us with these issues of rejection and engulfment. If one person gets angry, the other may feel...
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