I Wish It Could Have Been Otherwise

This was written for an academic journal about people with disabilities and what that means concerning their parent-child relationships.

As far back as I can remember, I have been hearing voices. It started when I was just three months old. I remember lying on my back in a cold sweat, undergoing nicotine withdrawal (as I found out decades later), my smoking mother having switched from breast-feeding to bottled formula. Gasping for breath, I heard my father yelling at my sister in the next room. She was wetting the bed every night, and my father was extremely upset. I couldnt understand at all, and was preparing to scream aloud.

Suddenly a voice went off in my head, saying If you scream, something very bad will happen to you. Since I was only a baby, it wasnt in words, but I could hear the voice. I screamed anyway, and my mother came in, swooping me out of the crib into her loving arms. I heard my fathers yelling increase, and the sounds of my sister being spanked. It was so awful I can recall it even now, though I know that seems utterly impossible.

I grew up clumsy, anti-social, unable to communicate well. And the voices continued. I was watching TV once,...