What is true listening? Dr. James Jones suggests that true listening is not advise, counsel or trying to solve problems. Listening is just hearing what your troubled teen has to say. Parents often respond to a teen with comments that are judgmental, advisory or are non- accepting in some way. These responses close or shut down the conversation and do not promote further dialogue.
Closed responses also discount the other person.
Open responses are a much more productive method of communicating with a defiant teenager. These responses are nonjudgmental, and have no suggestions or solutions. The response is one of simply accepting what is being said. These responses reflect both the content and the feelings the child is projecting to you as the parent.
In the book Lets Fix the Kids by Dr. James Jones he gives an example of closed parent response and an example of open parent response.
Closed parent response
My science teacher gave me a C on that science project. I cant believe it!
1. I told you to type it but you wont ever listen will you?
2. Dont complain; we get what we...